Uninvited house guest
by Vampire Priest
Summary: When Jakie finds a strange man floating about her room who else can she turn to but the openly magical girl, Star, and her roommate, Marco. Stay tuned to see just how many problems can be solved with liquor.
1. to evict a stranger

Chapter 1: to evict a stranger

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AN: I've been reading these fanfictions and I couldn't help but write my own tell me how bad it is cause otherwise, I don't know. If this is the first of my stories you've read you can go ahead and skip all of my authors notes from here, on out no one will blame you. They usually have nothing to do with the story and are basically my informal and public journal entries. As if you'd want to hear about my tortured life. Furthermore most of the time I just go on tangent after tangent after tangent. Arriving at a point of telling you exactly how close the knife is to my neck turning you off the story before you ever began. At this point, if you're still reading you probably wish you'd have taken my advice. But if you liked what you read tell me in the reviews so that I can provide you with much more as the story progresses. Be sure to follow, favourite, and review or the author will never know you appreciate them.

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Star and Marco were walking about the school. Star was extremely worried and Marco was trying to be reassuring. "C'mon Star it's not that bad."

"Not that bad? They took my wand, Marco. They took my wand!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been using it to cheat on that test."

"Marco this is bigger than some dumb test what if Ludo finds out that I don't have it and tries to take it while I'm not there to stop him?"

"It's with miss Skullnick I doubt anyone would even think of taking her on after she used her battle axe as a fly swatter."

"But Ludo has lots of monsters and the last time she saw them she started dating one."

"And he dumped her. You think she can't learn from her mistakes?"

"Yeah... I guess you're right..."

"It'll be fine." Upon reaching his locker he saw Jackie slowly and tiredly ride up to him. Star, forgetting about her own problems for a second, said, "what's wrong Jackie?"

"You guys deal with weird magic stuff all the time right?" They nodded and she continued, "this guy randomly appeared one day in my room he's been floating around the ceiling ever since and I can't get rid of him."

"What has he done to you?"

"Nothing. I just can't sleep when I know he's there."

"Has he said anything to you since he got there?"

"Yea he said 'good morning' the first time I saw him and 'hi' every time I came home after."

"How long has he been at your place?"

"A few days maybe... I figured if I never talked to him he'd lose interest and go away."

"You uh... you need some help with that?"

"Could you that would be..." she fell asleep mid sentence and Marco caught her with his face showing his mixed feelings. On the one hand, the girl he's had a crush on since forever was finding comfort in sleeping in his arms. On the other hand, someone had thought unwittingly, inconvenienced her and she had no control over her body shutting down from sleep deprivation. Star and Marco locked eyes for a moment and then said in unison, "we have to help her" at this point Marco had started carrying her bridal style and Star had all but forgotten about her wand. With purpose, they strode out of the building only for Star to get distracted and start flirting with Oscar. Marco arrived at Jackie's house five minutes ahead of Star despite having to carry Jackie, her skateboard, and two backpacks. Upon arriving at Jackie's house she woke up and began staring at him silently as they waited for him to work up the courage to knock. He began mumbling to himself trying to figure out what one says in this kind of situation only for Jackie to get tired of waiting and weakly reach for her keys. He felt her shift in his arms and looked down to see her trying to get her hand in her pocket. He quickly said, "oh good...you're awake. Do think you can stand?"

"I don't feel like it."

"...so...what 'cha doin'"

"Getting my keys. Cause you're not man enough to knock on a door."

"I'm man enough!"

"So do it."

"I will!" But before he could the door opened and her mum glared half annoyed at Marco. Only to ask, "why are you carrying my daughter?"

"She fell asleep standing up at School after telling us she needed help"

"... follow-up question, who's us?"

"Me and Star."

"And where's she?"

"She's... um..."

"I'm here! I'm here" came her voice as she ran up to them, "sorry I'm late. I just got distracted by my favourite musician"

"Actually you came earlier than expected what, did he start playing 'We are number one'?"

"Actually Marco I remembered what we were doing earlier... the fact that he started playing that has nothing to do with it..."

"That's a good song"

"No Jackie it isn't, you're just out of it because you haven't slept these last few days."

"So that's what this is about, Jackie hadn't been able to sleep because now she has a boyfriend keeping her up at night" her mother's comment made the faces of both Marco and Jackie turn red only for Star to say, "I don't get it" causing her to grin matter of factly as the dreading duo turned even redder, miming for her to shut up only for the sadistic mother to say, "for you see young Star. Here on earth when two people start dating they begin doing things that require more and more energy until they end up asleep in the same bed tired naked and gasping for air"

"Mum stop"

"I still don't get it. What exactly do they do?"

"Damn it Star!"

"For you see..."(cue groan)"when a man feels unending pressure in his balls and a woman loves that man she allows him to use her body to relieve that pressure by placing his in hers and going six ways till Sunday." At this point Marco had walked away, feeling thoroughly traumatised, with Jackie quietly thanking him with every step he took. About three blocks away they could hear Star yelling. "Marco if that's all you wanted I'd have let you! You don't need to leave the house to do that anymore!" At this, he began running and Jackie couldn't help but chuckle. Eventually, Star caught up and said, "wait *gasping for air* what about the guy"

"Marco said I could sleep with him in his bed tonight."

"No, I di-"

"Yea he totally wants to spend the night with me in his arms."

"Marco is that true?"

"I just sa-"

"Of course it's true Star would I lie to you?"

"But that's not-"

"Are you saying you don't want to sleep with me? C'mon Marco the only sleep I've gotten so far has been in your arms if you wanna take that away from me you'll have to evict the guy in my room."

"Ooo Marco Jackie's mum was cool she taught me more about your earth culture."

"Fine, I wanted to have two awkward conversations in one day anyway" they continued on their way to Marco's house and upon arriving Mr and Mrs Diaz questioned him as to why he'd brought another girl home with him. After explaining the situation, his parents exchanged a look and looked back at him smiling and encouragingly told him that if he'd gone and gotten some strange girl pregnant they'd be happy to lie and say the child was Marco's sibling. Two minutes and a bowl of nachos later the three classmates were sleeping on the couch with the tv flickering.

The next morning was full of surprises. Jackie was the first to wake up, to the sound of metal striking wood. She'd have bolted up if not for the second surprise. She was not on the couch where she remembered falling asleep but rather in a bed with Marco's still sleeping face turned to her. Her plan at this point was to freak him out when he awoke, so she began climbing onto him only to find that Star was also in the bed. Then she realised what probably happened. Mr and Mrs Diaz found them all asleep on the couch nestled so closely together on their cold winter's night together and decided it best to let them be together for warmth if nothing else.

Jackie noticed something else. Apparently, Star's favourite way to sleep was in the fetal position with her wand in her mouth but now that the school had taken it away until further notice she was out one wand. To cut this explanation short she was sucking Marco's thumb and tightly wound around his arm. So rather than climb onto him and straddle his waist, potentially breaking his arm in the process, as she originally planned to do, she took his free hand and held onto it tightly enough to wake him with two conflicting sensations. On his right was Star mumbling to herself with his thumb in her mouth. On his left was Jackie who had his hand between her legs and his shoulder between her... well you do the math.

As Jackie pretended to sleep Marco was left to ponder, just what the hell happened last night. He moved to wake Star only for Jackie to squeeze his arm tighter. When he tried to wake Jackie, Star bit him. Finding that he was unable to use his arms he decided to use his head... in the most literal way. He used his nose to poke the back of Star's neck but instead of stirring her from her sleep, it made her stretch out onto Marco. She was now lying on top of him with his thumb still trapped between her teeth.

Not that he didn't like the smell of Star's hair, or the sensation of her small frame pressed tightly onto his, but as a chivalrous man, or So he thought, this was too much and as he tried to remember what they did the night before his head was filled with fantasies that only served to horrify him. Then Jackie tried to pull his attention back to her by nibbling on his ear. He immediately turned his head only find himself locking lips with the girl of his dreams. Both of their cheeks flared red but Jackie soon turned her expression of embarrassment into a cheeky grin, "so you do remember what happened last night." She lied. As he struggled to understand the pretence of her implication a deep serial voice seeming to come from everywhere at once answered for him, "how can you expect him to remember while you cloud his head with thoughts of fornication and polygamy?" At this Star sat up putting more pressure on Marco's lap than need be. "Good morning" the voice called out again.

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Afterword: sorry to cut this short but there's just too much going on in my personal life. If you want me to feel like I'm appreciated you can follow/favourite me, if you want to see where this is going you can follow/favourite the story. If you know where to find the will to live you can review "I'VE GOT THE ANSWER" in all caps or if you want me to die you can do none of that and I'll get the message. And if you want to beta read my story that's cool too my brother quit on me and now I have nobody to check for mistakes... On this story... specifically... people have offered their assistance for a couple of my other stories.


	2. more questions than answers

Chapter 2: more questions than answers

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AN: If you thought that last chapter was weird you probably shouldn't read my other stories *attempts to laugh* but no you should probably read them #alwayswatching and if you've read my stories before you probably already know to skip the author's notes on all my stories as they may be off-putting. Any who without further ado I bring you chapter 2

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Jackie froze, in that moment Marco pried his arm away only for Star to grab it and place it around her waist mumbling, something about being afraid and wanting to be held. Jackie spoke up, "I-I know that voice..."

"Indeed you do" the voice belonged to a five-foot tall man clad in a pressed pitch black tux with a crimson pocket square shaped into an indented triangle, bulging outwards. His black steel toed boots were shined, and so were his silver gauntlets. His black to hat was a foot tall with a white ribbon an inch from the brim up. His mirror aviators shining in the morning light. His blood red tie standing out against the white collared shirt beneath it, and his Jade sword in the image of a long snake-like dragon hanging from a pitch black belt on his jet black pants. His teeth and wings a brilliant white and his skin almost matching in pallor.

"W-why are you here?"

"I was sent by Star's parents of all people. When they saw me they instantly smelled nobility and sought to make political ties with me. I had explained to them that my method of travelling between worlds was quite different than their ways and that mine could potentially send me either far too early or far too late. So Star... tell me have you received a call from your parents yet?"

"No?"

"Really? They made the call while I was there, in fact, I'm about to great myself."

"Wha-" she never got to finish as she was cut off by the mirror ringing with a call from her mother. Star hesitantly got out of bed walked over to the mirror and pushed the button to answer only to see the man beside them reflected in the mirror yet on his end he couldn't see himself, he spoke exactly the same, though, "hello Star, might I inquire as to the whereabouts of myself? Have I arrived safely? Have I been well treated?"

"Hello me."

"Why hello there How've I been?"

"Well, I arrived three days prior and been left to my own devices for most of this time."

"Ah... well... I shall have to plan accordingly."

"Yes, I shall."

"How shall I speak of their hospitality?"

"Quite well, in my time here I've been left alone as I read, I've not been offered any heinous stereotypical drinks and not once been asked of my vampiric qualities."

"Lovely stuff."

"Hasten my departure starts soon"

"Quite soon."

"Shall I then make my leave?"

"Immediately" the image in the mirror melted into blood and disappeared leaving Marco, Jackie, Star, and her parents shocked and appalled as the sky on Mewni turned red in the reflection of a window as the clouds darkened and spun into a bloody vortex that collapsed in on itself with a tremendous boom that shook the very foundation of the castle. When every last trace of red left the sky queen Butterfly turned to her daughter mirroring her shock before whispering, "Oh God what have I agreed to"

"You agreed to let me play matchmaker on earth until my boredom and disdain lead me back to your castle where I will double your treasury."

"Can I take it back?"

"That's hardly fair when I'm about to pay you"

"What?" He pointed back to the window where a blood red streak strained the sky followed by the loud crash of a meteorite. The queen looked saddened with clear mortification in her eyes as she quickly turned back to the mirror and said, "Star mommy has to attend to some urgent business if I don't call back within five hours take it for a sign that his story is true and accommodate him."

"But mum, I don't want to date him."

"Glossaryck, explain." Star's spell book came out from under her bed on its own and the bed lost half its height. The small yellow-clad blue man came from a random page and explained, "accommodate means to do as he says or make him feel at home. He looks to be about two thousand years old with no interest in children."

"Such a knowledgeable little man I see"

"You may be two thousand but I transcend the laws of time and space"

"I write and rewrite them on a daily basis, it's my job, but right now I'm on vacation, sooo~" he turned to Star and mouths the words, 'you should hang up' and she did.

She didn't realise it but Janna had climbed into her room from the window. As Glossaryck and the man who had yet to introduce himself turned their attention towards her, she began voicing her reasons, "I noticed that you weren't in your bed this morning so I figured you'd be in sleeping with a girl, but I figured it'd be with Star and you'd be on the couch."

"Not now Janna, weird things are happening right now."

"Just Star weird or wake up next to two girls and two guys weird?"

"They weren't in bed with me when I woke up."

"So just the guys then?"

"No! The guys weren't in bed with me when I woke up!"

"So when were they in bed with you?"

"Damn it, Janna!"

"Relax I'm just teasing."

"Yea? We'll I'm still trying to figure out what happened last night."

"So who's the suit?"

"I guess it's the guy who's been stalking Jackie...probably?"

"Oh hey twinsies" she held out her hand for a high five only for him to silently put his hand up to hers and give her a hand hug (he wrapped his thumb around her hand) at first she didn't quite get it but soon enough she mimicked the motion and he spoke, though in a whisper audible to all, "this is going to be fun"

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After word: I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. who died?

Chapter 3: who died

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AN: I know I don't have to write one of these every chapter but it's very important to the story that I distract you from it as much as I can because until I have someone over my shoulder telling me just how bad it is I won't be able to make the image in my head any clearer for you. Be sure to follow, favourite, and review, and we'll get through this jumbled mess together.

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Star then spoke up, "ok this is clearly a dream nothing like this ever happens to me. Is Mum scared? I don't buy that so~" she kissed Marco on the cheek said, "night Marco!" And fell asleep next to him.

When she awoke she found herself alone in her room. No time travelling vampire, no flustered Marco, and no flirty Jackie and certainly no creepy Janna. She stretched herself out but still couldn't help but feel sore. Like she's had either too much sleep or too little. She didn't like the thought of either so she decided to drop the subject entirely and just get ready for her day. She got out of bed reached for a wand that wasn't there... "Oh~ no." At first, she thought she'd misplaced it, like most mornings. So she began looking where she usually did when she'd forgotten where her wand was. Under the bed, in the wardrobe, under the sink... in the medicine cabinet. Then she remembered, like most mornings, that she slept with a pretty tight grip on it and thought maybe it's just in the other hand. When she looked down to find she definitely didn't have it she ran back into her room. "That wasn't there before..." She was referring to a large metal cross looking to be tall enough to fit a certain winged individual. She tried to remember his name only to realise, "he never said his name..." She then put on an exasperated look and said to herself, " OK, ok, just because the part where I got my wand taken away probably did happen doesn't mean I still couldn't have seemed that last part"

"... you didn't" the distinct sound of a book closing punctuated his statement. She rushed up to the cross and opened it. But the contents were not what she expected. "AAAAAAH!" She cried. As the person inside was, thought dressed very much the same, a skeleton who's head had fallen into her hands upon opening the doors. At that moment Janna and Jackie rushed in dragging Marco in with them. "Star what's wrong?"

"We heard screaming and- Ahahahaaa"

"Oh cool. A skeleton" the man start originally sought to find them descended from the top of her bed with a copy of "SAO Progressive volume 3" in his hands saying, "oh good you're awake"

"No no no no no no! NO!"

"Aww come in it's not that bad. All you did was kiss Marco and cuddle with him as hot slept until he thought it was safe to go to the bathroom without waking you."

"Oh my God, I kissed Marco. OH, MY GOD, I KISSED MARCO!"

"It's ok you've been asleep for six hours."

"Six hours!? Oh geez. Oh God...Oh no... d-did I miss any calls while I was asleep?"

"Yeah..." She sighed. "From pony head."

"Aww, crap..." She slowly walked up to the mirror and said, "call mum" the mirror responded, "calling mum." The mirror connected the two and Star's mother looked at Star and then away then back to Star then back away before forming one word, "how?" That increasingly familiar voice called out, "I told you." Star's mum looked befuddled then she gave a defeated sigh and said, "I guess things worked out for the better"

"Indeed." The classy vampire then stepped into the frame once more only this time Star Butterfly herself was standing beside him caring a wand, not with the half start she'd grown accustomed to but the full star. "Is that... me?" She said looking at herself. The two vampires then began their habit of conversing with no regards for who else was in the room or what they had to say, "Ah. Talking to yourself again I see."

"You should talk you've done this twice in one day"

"'We've' fine this twice in one day. You, on the other hand, have already done this three times, this being your fourth."

"Technically it's your fourth too."

"I mean seriously is she even allowed to speak?"

"She is but you'll have to keep track as to not cause a time paradox"

"Is she even allowed to give up any useful information?"

"Not unless it's obvious"

"clearly"

"So?"

"What?"

"Can I let her speak now?"

"Better question. Did I remember to bring a pen?"

"You did but use it sparingly or you'll lose it."

"Are you allowed to tell me that?"

"Come on. You can read minds. It makes no difference whether I tell you or not you'd of known."

"Right so where is it?"

"In your pocket square" he pulled the red fabric from his best pocket and it undid itself dropping a scarlet pen with a skull top and cracked tip into his hand. He handed it to a shell-shocked Star, who stood perfectly still trying her hardest not to break time... again. After a few seconds, he produced a notepad and folded his decorative kerchief back into the shape it was before, placed it where it was, and said, rather tiredly, "proceed."

"Hello, Star. It's me Star. At first, I was scared that I'd break time if I talked to myself in the past, but then our new friend here told me it was going to work out fine cause I've already done it. Don't worry about breaking time. He said that a person's initial reaction will always be the same unless someone had gone back in time just to mess with the past. But as long as you do everything the same way nothing bad will happen. I'd like to tell you that it's ok to ask me anything but the truth is that I can't answer just anything. If you're going to ask me something it has to be for confirmation not like, about something you're really not sure about either it has to be something you know in your heart but just aren't sure about." She let out a little sigh and whispered, "nailed it" before the dapper, displeased man shouted, "COULD YOU HAVE COME UP WITH A LONGER SPEECH?"

"...sorry... it is what you wrote."

"Uh..."

"How did my wand get the other half?"

"I can't answer that."

"How'd I get it back?"

"That either."

"D-...did I kiss Marco?" she said leaning in so only she could hear herself. "Sorry... yeah...we kinda did."

"Could this day get any worse?"

"Well you did just spend your Saturday morning asleep" she got up and gave herself an angry look. "What? It's what it says on the paper."

"That doesn't make it better!"

"Hey. Stop that. You can't be scared of yourself." She picked up her dimensional scissors and all at once everyone in earshot began shouting, "Woah hey hey NO"(for example) all at once before Marco took the scissors from her hand and both of the time travelers said, in unison, "you can't be physically in the same room as yourself from another timeline or both of you will cease to exist forever."

"What why?"

"That's the rule"

"Can't you change the rule?"

"Not when our boss and the creator of the universe made that a standard across the entire multiverse. And when we say entire we mean everything. From every show to every commercial. Whether good or bad few people have ever gotten away with that crime without suffering nonexistence or worse."

"What's worse than nonexistence"

"Losing a fight you entered knowing the other would know exactly what you were planning, what to do to counter, and how best to break you." In that moment Star felt completely stupid. "This... this is just a lot of information to take in"

"You've got time" another glare. Future Star then said, "don't worry you know things will work out in the end. you saw me smiling at the start of this call. To quote a great friend, 'smile. It looks better on you.'"

"Marco said that didn't he?"

"It's that a smile I see?"

"No."

"you can't hide it from yourself you know that" present Star pouted and future Star said, "Hey cheer up things'll be just fine. You and I both know it." She then hung up on present Star. And while the room suddenly got heavy with realisation. Their new house guest had Janna put the skull back on its body and closed the cross. Star then turned to him and said, "ok first things first! Where did you come from and why did you bring that dead person?"

"First, he's not exactly dead and I don't think I can give you a name for the universe I come from."

"So if he's not dead what is he then? And don't lie to me!"

"Alright... I'll tell you but you probably won't believe me."

"Try me."

"I am a very complex individual coming from a very complicated place and though you, yes even you, would think my home strange. They think me stranger still."

"Get to the point we don't have all day."

"My emotions can manifest themselves as physical beings. He's not dead but at the same time he is."

"What?"

"Star, you just met Fear."

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Afterword: sorry for making a confusing story even more convoluted. But my mental health is in turmoil so yeah sorry. I'm hoping to slow things down a little in the next chapter... if you count getting Marco a date with Jackie slowing things down. It may seem like the story is just spiralling off into chaos but, after a tiny bit more exposition, the story will, hopefully, start making sense to those of you who are unfamiliar with my favourite OC. Also, just warning you, he takes pleasure in the suffering of others and can be in a million places at the same time. And even if you don't like him it's too late to take him out now. He set all of these events in motion. There's nothing I can do. And just once before I go I'd like to try to start a new catchphrase for all of us. If you like it feel free to add it at the ends of your chapters. Remember now that I've said it, it must be canon.


	4. Can fancy be fun?

Chapter 4: can fancy be fun?

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An: don't know how I'll deliver on my previous statement about slowing things down when I ended it like that but let's see what happens when the master of tangents tries to change the subject shall we?

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"Fear?"

"Ok I've had enough stupidity for one day and I've had my fun. By staking buddy. By Marco, Star, Jackie." With that, Janna left the room and the remaining people were left to ponder what happened. Marco's father soon walked passed the opened door and greeted Janna on her way out before entering Star's room and asking when and how she entered. Star was still trying to process the morning's events. The oldest person in the room was drinking what was probably his tenth cup of coffee and Jackie was pondering how to further draw Marco out of his comfort zone. The oldest one spoke, "if you really want to take pleasure in watching him squirm under the pressure your influence holds you can't dive headfirst into chaos. *takes long drawn out sip* look where it got me."

"You read my mind"

"Yeah I have no control over that so I'm just gonna apologise in advance... somewhere out in the world, an instrument is suffering... I can hear it crying out to me... it's saying, 'kill me now I'm in the hands of an amateur who refuses to learn' I must end its misery"

"Is it by chance coming from the school?"

"Yes, how did you- oh. OH! oh..."

"Yeah..."

"Probably shouldn't have said that in front of her*points to Star*"

"Don't worry he actually does have potential just not with that instrument... I'll be back before his batteries leak in protest." The group watched him dissolve into blood leaving his cross behind and soon turned their attention to Mr Diaz, "are you going to tell me who that was?"

"Oh, right, dad, um. He's a... he... um... I think he said something about being a vampire but the only thing he's drunk since he got here was coffee so...He's old we know that much... a-and he's got wings... So-" Marco was cut off by his dad giving him a hug and saying, "my son finally met his guardian angel. Hold on let me go get my camera for when he comes back."

The winged man came back with the remnants of a keytar in his hands and a dejected look on his face "he dropped it once and it let itself shatter... there was nothing I could do..." he looked down at the broken pieces as if on the verge of tears. Marco's dad came back and immediately went to console him but mere millimetres away his head popped right back up and he said, "got us there for a second now didn't I?"

He immediacy punched himself in the head tearing it off and sending it flying into the wall. His hat slowly floated back down onto his shoulders and his body took a bow before pulling the hat up to show his head back in its place. Upon looking back to the blood stained wall they saw another figure begin to take form out of the blood almost identical to the first, except his pocket square was a giant flower and this one was dressed completely in blue, from hat to shoe.(couldn't resist) Marco was the first to speak up about this, "so we already met Fear this must be Sadness right?"

"Wrong! It's Sorrow..." the blue man said, drooping like a worm on a hook, only for his head to jerk up violently, "just kidding! I'm Joy. At your service." He bowed with a flourish. "Wait we still haven't gotten your name yet.*gestures original*"

"I don't have a name. My father has no face so he thought the least he could do to prepare me for the world was to leave me without a name, but since your addressing the rest with their personality I suppose Indifference is as good a name as any"

"But what do people call you back where you live?"

"Honestly I have more nicknames than I can remember to count I'd give you the list buut..."

"We have somewhere else to be, " said Jackie as she dragged Marco into his room and proceeded to undress then redress him despite rather loud protests. After a bit, she dragged him away leaving a room filled with awkward silence at the sight of Marco, dressed for an audience with the queen, and Jackie dragging him back to her place... Joy followed... The three remaining occupants of the room stood in relative silence until Indifference, as he introduced himself, pulled out a flask and poured rum into his coffee. Rafael took a picture and shouted, "Angie! I told you angels drink!" As he ran out of the room, "you owe me twenty grand!"

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Half way to Jackie's house she stopped remembered their previous "meet my parents" moment and she decided to just... "here. meet me at this address in five minutes and try not to get mugged in that white suit. It'd be a shame to see it covered in blood" as she spoke she took a sticky note from the bottom of her skate board and handed it to him. Joy floated above his head and said, "I think she likes you."

"Yeah, w-well no shit!"

"...I liked you better when you didn't know." He then proceeded to float over to a tree and sat in the shade. Marco felt sympathy and walked over to him. "Look... I'm sorry... I didn't mean t-"

"Just kidding!" He then began laughing and doing cartwheels around Marco as he held his face down, pinching between his closed eyes before whispering, "why do I even bother"

"Better hurry or you'll be late, " he said cartwheels turning into flips until he resumed flying laughing about being a bird all the way to the restaurant. Upon their arrival, they met a stunningly dressed Jackie who quickly addressed them with, "where have you been? They're about to give our reservation to another couple."

"Couple?"

"Yes, this place is very old fashioned and won't let girls in without a date."

"Date?" the greater then cut in, "and I assume this sorry excuse for a proper man is your chaperone?"

"What?" They both said in unison "you're obviously not married and as you said this is an old fashioned restaurant you need someone to supervise you kids to make sure few if any indecent actions happen"

"So that means that...*still in unison they turn to Joy*"

"Yay! Tea party!" They were escorted to a table with a window overlooking the water hazard in a near by golf course, The closest thing they could get to something romantic. They'd have all ordered if not for Joy reminding them that one person had to order for the table. When the waiter came to speak to them Joy practically jumped out of his seat and said, "I'll have one of everything from the desserts except for the fruit cake, and anything containing mangoes or peaches as per my allergies." No going back now Joy had ordered and now he had to order for the table. "A well done Angus steak for Marco with a baked potato"

"Good choice" the waiter chimed in, "and for the lady, the lobster she's heard so much about with a side of Bouillabaisse soup"

"Excellent choice. I trust you'll be sharing your desserts."

"No. My cake. My pie." The waiter glared daggers at him until he flashed a bar of solid gold for all to see and quickly returned it to its place in his pocket. "Right away then sir" Marco quickly looked at him and said, "ok two questions first how did you get that much money?"

"Don't act so surprised you knew I was rich."

"..."

"..."

"Second question how did you know what we wanted if we just glanced at the menus? We never said what we think looks good?"

"You thought it. I read your mind"

*another intense stare*

"Just kidding" he quickly opened a black box they hadn't notice and pulled out a small square of sealed paper clearly entitled "British breakfast tea" and passed the box to the other two. Jackie quickly picked a "green tea" leaving Marco to decide as the others already filled their cups and added sugar. By the time Marco finally decided on a "vanilla chai tea" the desserts had arrived and Joy began to drool.

The waiter quickly grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth for him. A fake smile plastered on his face. Jackie saw the desire in his eyes but also the restraint, as if he were waiting for permission. "You wanna start without us?"

"Could I? I think it's rude to start eating before everyone else has something. Just because I like having fun at the expense of others doesn't mean I'm down right cruel. Certainly not mean enough to eat while the rest of the table watches." He gazed memorised at the second round of pies and pastries filling little stands and trays making the table look like a little girl's ideal tea party. "Yeah dude, if you don't start clearing space we may not have room for our plates."

"I guess it's only fair..." he swiftly yet cleanly began eating all of the sweets he'd asked for, starting with biscuits and moving on to the cake. Never before had someone stuffed their face quite so elegantly as did the small blue man when he finished all the cookies they had to offer in five minutes, without getting a crum on his suit, I might add. By the time the other plates had arrived the couple was stuck in a state of morbid fascination.

How long had he been eating this quickly? And how did his clothes remain clean after the jelly filled doughnuts? By the time he got to his pies he stopped and said, "um... your... your food's getting cold." The two snapped out of their trance and the three looked down at the same time accidentally butting heads and gently rubbing themselves before breaking I into laughter. Soon enough Joy joined in and they were asked to leave for disturbing the peace.

Joy paid for the meal thanked them for the sweets and tipped in gold leaving the restaurant wondering what was wrong with him. The three ended up taking their food to go and found a nearby park to have a picnic where they watched Joy prank countless innocent passers-by and laugh at the occasional shout. The date went well until Jackie leaned on Marco and he froze. She proceeded to mess with his nervousness. Joy's comments not helping finally Marco embraced the chaos and lied down taking Jackie with him.

Though she landed on top of Marco he refused to be nervous. Joy eating his last pie as he watched the events unfold. "We should do this again sometime." He said with all the confidence he could muster. "Yeah... we definitely should." They closed their eyes and went in for a kiss only to notice that they weren't kissing lips. When they opened their eyes they saw Joy's smiling face. He burst into laughter rolling away as Marco chased him shouting, "I'll teach you to ruin the moment I lived my whole life to reach!" Followed by Jackie giggling to herself.

Afterword: I tried turning the story on its head how'd you like it? Oh, and if it helps I was listening to the Deadpool OST while I was writing this. Starting with "Calendar Girl" and ending with "Careless Whisper"... cause lag.


	5. Meanwhile thousands of miles away

Chapter 5: meanwhile thousands of miles away

* * *

Content Warning: death! very descriptive death!

* * *

"Ludo stole your wand..." she instantly froze. Unsure if she had heard him right she asked, "what?"

"Well... stealing, but... we're too late to do anything about it now."

"We have to get out back!"

"We?"

"You have to get it back!"

"Fine open up a portal to his castle and I'll find a diplomatic solution with no loss of life... and you'll be my Cannon fodder."

"What happened to no loss of life?"

"I meant my life." She gave an exasperated sigh and opened the portal when they both stepped through they noticed that the castle had gotten an upgrade. Indifference walked right up to the door and kept walking not bothering to open the door as he went right through it. Star peaked in from behind the door only to see Ludo blast off his torso. His two legs remained standing but something changed. While one of the legs turned red, clearly covered in blood, the other was a pristine white as if the blast had blown all of the dirt off of a once white fabric. Ludo laughed menacingly as he has given himself a more threatening exterior. As every monster in the room laughed they completely missed the legs sprouting out and growing their own bodies separate from one another. One seeming to want to keep his suit clean more than anything(white) and the other just itching to attack. He charged them with a scythe in his hand that looked impossible to wield. It had a hammer on the other end and a sharp edge to the back of the pole on the scythe. Like someone failed in their attempts to combine a scythe, a hammer, and a sword. In his left hand, however, he held two guns with his pinky on one trigger and his index finger on the other. Mere centimetres from striking true in his first target the white-suited one pulled back a chain connecting to a spiked choker about his neck. Before he could let it a shout in protest. The wire one pot his hand over his mouth and said, "we have yet to receive our orders. It's one thing to slaughter our enemies at home but if we're not careful we could break this reality altogether." He turned around to a freshly formed indifference who cracked his neck stretched a few times and said, "been a while since I've taken a blow that hard. Since they have no respect for us I say let Malice do as he pleases." The white one shuttered at the thought and soon loosened his grip on the chain the slightest bit and he took to the battlefield. Expertly twirling his awkwardly designed weapon his first move was to crush Ludo's skull but settled for the one he wore when the laughter died down and he dodged the incoming attack. When he had regained his balance he blasted the be foe with a barrage of green light causing him to lose both arms a leg and his head. Countless tendrils immediately took the places of his lost limbs as his appearance was now more monster than man. Ludo gazed with fear penetrating the once confident look he held. Malice regrew his head first and used his skeletal hand to conduct the tendrils as they tore apart any monster who dared to meet his gaze. His first victim was impaled from all angles. The second wasn't quite so lucky as his acidic blood entered one of his wounds catching him to burn from the inside out blood curdling screams only proving to tug a smile into his ever engaged face. The third had every limb torn off and forced down their oesophagus. At the sight, the rest sought retreat only to find the doors barred with the appendages that had struck such fear into their hearts. Even Ludo in his new powerful state cowered beneath his gaze. His hat landed on his head, having been blown away after Ludo's attack. "Please! Spare me! I'll give you anything you want! Just don't hurt me!" Malice's arms and legs had grown back but the tendrils still shot out at certain parts of his back and legs. Raising his scythe and relishing the fear in Ludo's eyes he made an attempt to strike only to be pulled back hard, from the chain around his neck. In three seconds the white-suited one used the chains to your him up and leave him on the floor like castrated livestock. He spoke, "sorry about our trigger happy friend here. We just came because you've taken something of value from that girl over there. *points to door*" Star entered the room trying her hardest not to throw up at the sight of the three mangled corpses. Ludo quickly tossed the wand back to her and said, "I can't believe we wasted all that time and money getting something we'd have to return."

"We're not done yet! Apologise!"

"I'm sorry!"

"For?"

"For stealing the wand?"

"*turns to Star* does he seem sorry to you?"

"No? No. Actually, he didn't sound sorry."

"*Turns back* Ludo?"

"I'm sorry for stealing the wand I'll never do it again!"

"If you have one of your own why would you need another?"

"I wanted to put the two together and be twice as powerful."

"Don't you need the blood of an immortal for that?"

"What?"

"Either way you still have half of her wand"

"No. I've already given up so much if I give you that I'll lose everything."

"Don't care apology not accepted. Malice?" The red suited example of what bondage looked like squirmed and Ludo and his minions screamed. "Here just take the thing" he tossed it to the one in the white suit. He dodged it and Star dove for it catching it in her free hand. She put both wands in one hand and used the other to open a portal. "You're forgiven." She walked through and the three identical tormentors followed suit."


	6. A Call From Pony Head

Chapter 6: a call from pony head

* * *

AN: out of ideas and out of coffee any suggestions for what I should have them do next?

* * *

Star arrived back in her room followed by the people she now held as the most frightening in the universe. A single question escaped her lips, "how?" It was a simple enough question but the answer wouldn't come so easily. "Do you really want to know?"

"How does someone like you exist?" He frowned and tried to change the subject. "Oh right, I've yet to introduce you. This is Malice *motioned to the red one* and this is Righteous *gestures the white one."

"Why did you kill them?"

"Well to be perfectly honest, they're not really dead."

"...what?"

"They all... uh, it doesn't matter."

"But-" the mirror phone started ringing again and Star hid behind her bed, afraid of another batch of mind breaking exposition. Indifference quickly cleared Jr fears with three words, "it's Pony Head" she quickly leapt from her hiding space and rushed toward the mirror. "Hey, girl~"

"Oh. Hi, Pony Head." A relieved look graced her features and she smiled. "How've you been?"

"Girl, you are missing out! Remember when you and earth turd trashed st O's?" She nodded a scared look replacing her smile. "Yea what about it?"

"Don't look so scared, we turned the place into a constant party! I called to invite you earlier but you didn't pick up."

"Sorry Pony Head, I was asleep. Kinda having a rough day."

"Well just come over. Ain't no party like a st O's party cause a st O's party doing don't stop!"

"Sounds great. I could use a pick me up." At this Indifference offered her a cup of tea, which she took without thinking. "Wait, who's that Wi'chu? Is that earth turd?"

"No this is... um?"

"A person who loves confusing people. How do you do?" He said with a bow.

"What's he doin' in your room B. Fly?"

"He got the other half of my wand. He's kinda just hangin' out."

"Oh. Ok! Well when your done drinking tea with that stiff, come party with us... Don't bring earth turd though the girls still think he's a girl"

"No problem. He's on a date right now."

"Wait, what? If he's on a date, what you doin' here?"

"What?"

"Girl you can't hide it from me. I know you likes him, and it's not like anybody else does"

"Hey!"

"What I don't see it. Either way, you got's ta tell him. Or do you wanna see him kissen' some other girl."

"No..." she looked down and Indifference took her scissors to open the portal right in front of her and pushed her through. She let out a tiny yelp in surprise before she found herself face to face with her best friend on Mewni. The portal closed behind her and He waved goodbye in the mirror before Pony Head hung up. There she spent the next six hours slowly regaining her cheerful disposition.

* * *

Back in her room however, the moment the call ended. Joy's blue sleeved arms shot in from under the floor. His hand found the walls and forced his head in, hat and all. He then grinned from ear to ear and the rest of his body rocketed up into the room. He floated midair for a moment then landed right in front of the door. A loud knock was heard and he jumped out the window. Marco burst in, "where is he!"

"Probably splattered on the ground below."

"What?" He rushed to the window and saw Joy on the floor in a pool of his own blood, broken bones jutting out at odd angles. He looked away and gagged only for Joy to call up, "did he fall for it?"

"Yeah, he thinks you died." Joy flew back up to the window and hugged Marco. "You do care!"

"Get off of me Third Wheel!"

"Funny he focuses more on Joy than the fact that Star is nowhere to be seen."

"Wait, Star! What did you do to her?*grabs shirt*"

"I sent her to a party."

"is *loosens grip* is that all"

"Of course. Why? You starting to have feelings for her?"

"It's *lets go* it's not like that she's my friend and I care about her but not like that."

"Are you sure she feels the same?"

"Of course she does. I mean she has a crush on Oscar. She must see me as just a friend."

"Hmm... by the end of the month you'll see the true meaning behind this conversation" Marco frowned and looked on as Righteous locked Malice in a white coffin with the inscription, " morte vita diducitur sto quia non proferet" (between life and death I stand, I shall not yield)

* * *

Afterword: this looks like a good place to stop. I'd have uploaded this chapter sooner but... life... then I got sad and listened to music until I stood in the shattered remains of my heart and decided to give you this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it because school is back in session and I might be going on hiatus.


	7. Toffee?

Chapter 7: Toffee?

* * *

After explaining the situation to Marco Star came back lied down in bed and would have fallen asleep if not for her looking up to see three floating men in her room and a jumping coffin, covered in more chains than she could bother to count. Marco was still in his room. She looked over to him and said, "I think I get why Jackie couldn't sleep."

"You wanna sleep in my bed?"

"M-Marco... I-I-I couldn't... I mean... you and Jackie... and-and-and-"

"No I mean you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

Both of their faces were red and the room was silent until the sound of a book hitting the floor caught their attention. Looking down they saw the tenth volume of Kouta Hirano's "Hellsing" lying on the floor next to a pile of books and quite a few playing cards lying about. Marco picked up a volume of Rosario + vampire and opened it to the page, bookmarked with a six of clubs, and saw the girl with her uniform being torn off by the monster. He immediately shut the book and yelled, "what kind of sadistic paedophilia are you reading?!"

"First, the legal age in Japan is thirteen, second the monster who tore her clothes off dies in the end, and third if you wanted to be chivalrous you could have offered to let me spend the night in your room so the lady can sleep in her own bed and not have to picture the two of you in a very compromising situation your parents would have undoubtedly overheard."

"What does Japan have to do with this?"

"So much more that you could care to understand"

Star picked up a volume of "Nichijou" and opened it. She started reading it and Marco walked up to her and said, "uh Star, I think you're reading it backwards." She closed the book looked at the other side and said, "no the book summary in on this side, remember back when you brought me my first earth book and told me the summary is always on the back."

"Does that mean the book is backwards?"

"Your books are backwards this is the first book I've been able to read normally since I got here.*yawn* but I should probably get some sleep... right he's still here." Marco motioned to the door and Star looked at the floating sighed and left after picking up their books and setting them on a desk Star didn't know she had. Marco was about to close the door when he heard her say, "wait!" He turned back to face her, what about him." The coffin jumped again for the man inside knew he was being addressed, "He's not going, it would have been pointless for them to put him in there." A faint sobbing could be heard followed by the sound of bubbles in a bottle. Marco approached the sound and found a new copy of their house guest clad in Orange, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Marco quickly covered his nose as the smell of a thousand breweries hit him like a freight train. "Can you help us move the coffin?"

"*finished bottle*who*resumes sobbing*me?*continues taking between sobs*I'm no good for anything. I forgot to bring my wife. I didn't pack enough drinks. And that was my last bottle." As he finished his words became unintelligible and indifference walked in and said, "aww damn it. Who invited Sorrow?" (I know people often complain when I use a script format but for decency's sake, I'll do it and if nothing else to not have you read me trying to come up with different ways of saying, "then he/she responded with")

R: Joy!

J: Hey don't blame it on me it was Pity's idea

I: He'll get here just wait

MD: Who's Pity?

P: Only the best bartender you'll ever meet.

S: Pity! I'm out of booze!

P: Don't worry I never run out.*pulls flask out of jacket*

S: Thank you Pity.*still sobbing*

SB: I am very tired the sooner you get that coffin out of my room the better

M: (muffled)DEATH!*makes coffin fall on its face*

Indifference picked up the white box and left, Pity and Sorrow in toe, and Marco close the door. Star went to sleep and Marco led the three into his room before grabbing his pillow and blankets and leaving for the couch. He didn't count on them following him.

MD: What do you want.

R: You never gave us your permission to go about your house attended.

MD: You can have it now leave me alone.

I: You wouldn't want us going where we don't belong.

MD: Fine you're not allowed in Star's room until morning.

J: Let's go back to her room at one one ad-meridian.

MD: What?

P: He means one AM

MD: No I got that. Still though why?

I: You said in the morning. The morning starts at twelve O' one.

MD: Let me sleep.

J: Back to Jackie's!

I: Agreed

MD: Wait no(from now on I'll only use script format when multiple people are taking sound good?)

The group dissolved into the floor and arrived in Jackie's room as one man clad in black carrying an empty white coffin. She was already asleep and naked to boot.

* * *

The next morning Jackie woke up, jumped out of bed stretched, smiled, got dressed and, unfortunately, looked up. Upon seeing him she screamed and ran back to Marco's house. She knocked on the door and was greeted with the same face she saw in her room just five minutes prior. She quickly called down thinking her overactive imagination saw him in her room again after she'd already "fixed" her problem. She would have left of he hadn't already invited her in, in a way that showed her Marco asleep on the couch. She slowly approached him and looked back to see that he had left and the door was closed. She cheered internally and slowly slid his hand up her shirt and woke him up saying, "Marco, what are you doing?" He drowsily lifted his heavy lids as he forced back the sleep that so invitingly called his name, to find a blushing Jackie. He then noticed a soft mass of a texture so unfamiliar to him he made the wrong choice and squeezed to Jackie's surprise. Her face turned red as an unintentional squeak made its way past her parted lips before her hand could sit up to cover her mouth, "don't be so rough, they're sensitive." The peculiarity of her sentence slowly began to make sense and as realisation set in he slowly let go, slack jaw and blushing a brighter red than a certain special fruit(too easy to just say tomato) removed his hand from her shirt and his beneath his blanket. Slapping himself in the face he told himself, "it's just a dream. It's not real. Just wake up already!"

"It's rude to tell a girl her boobs are fake you know."

"Wake up. Wake up!"

"I'll prove you're awake," she said leaning over him. She pulled his blanket down just far enough to nibble on his ear. "It's not real." She bit down hard enough for him to stop and she let go to whisper, "I thought I told you it's rude to tell a girl her boobs are fake. And you've felt them. They're real" she placed his hands back on her mammaries "implants are hard. Now apologise"

"But I-I wasn't t-t-talking about your-your-your..."

"Yeah I know I'm just fucking with you."

"language" came a voice from the kitchen. Marco got up, walked to the kitchen and found Indifference cooking with Pity(dressed in purple) their hands were a blur and before they could say, "hi" breakfast was served. Marco's parents were already seated, they made short work of their huevos rancheros. Marco was going to ask why when he said, "what kind of a house guest would I be if I didn't help out any way I could." As he poured their coffee he revived praise on his culinary skills gave them the recipe and took a seat at the table and ate with them. "Don't worry I made enough for everyone. I can see the future."

"Hijo, come, sit, he only added one Chilé and this salsa is amazing."

"Ghost pepper." Marco shrugged and sat down followed by Jackie then Star.

I: So Start, we should probably go back to Ludo's castle.

SB: Why?

I: I might have accidentally made those monsters immortal.

MD: Wait, what?

SB: I thought you killed them

MD: WAIT, WHAT?!

I: More like tortured. With my blood in them they've probably healed by now... or are currently screaming in unending pain.

JT: You can do that?

P: Such a shame. I hope they're ok.

I: Hope is all you have Pity

SB: What happens is what we don't go back?

I: Ludo gets minions who have the potential to be almost as frightening as me... they'll never be as frightening as Righteous, though.

MD: You mean the guy who put the red guy in the coffin.

I: The very same.

AD: Hijo what kind of adventures have you been having with our angel friend here?

SB: He looked more like a demon last night.

I: That was just Malice. Think of him as the angel of death. A very trigger happy angel of death. You know he's actually an amalgamation of four short tempered versions of me.

RD: That... needs context

I: My emotions can take physical form.

MD: I thought your name was Indifference.

I: I don't have a name.

MD: How does that work

I: You have to be blackout drunk to understand and you're not old enough

After breakfast, they stepped outside for one second and a portal opened up. The second his green head through, Indifference grabbed it and forced it back saying, "no, no, none of that. Shame on you." When he tried to come out again a single bullet blew his legs off and Indifference closed the portal.

* * *

Afterword: I'm no good with titles


	8. back to Mewni

Chapter 8: back to Mewni

* * *

AN: sorry that this chapter is mostly dialogue but I needed to get your opinion on something before I can continue

* * *

Marco, Star, Jackie, and their frightening friend had blood on their pants. Before anyone could ask how a pistol did that he said, "caesium bullets. Explode on contract with water. Not to be used in high humidity. Massive explosive radius, given the calibre." Their questions answered and their pants still stained Jackie was sent back home and the remaining three decided to pay Ludo a visit.

Once on Mewni, the three looked at the castle, still under reconstruction after their last...we'll call it a "visit". The once injured monsters were now fully healed and looked ready for anything, but nothing could have prepared then for what Indifference did. He went up to each of them and picked their noses one after the other. Each one bleeding enough to be considered an aneurysm. With each nosebleed, he made absolutely sure to catch every drop in a tube (glass, about 5" fatherL by 1"W) with two silver caps (black, rubber inside for suction sealing) and when he was done the monsters were thoroughly befuddled... but the tube was full. Having full confidence in their newfound regeneration abilities the monsters retaliated. But indifference dodged every strike, charge, and projectile. Like they were trying to catch a speck of dust in their palm. Every attempt pushing him fartherand farther away until far too much energy has been wasted, it falls into their hands and they drop it completely losing sight of any purpose to their efforts and giving in to the despair of having wasted an afternoon on a fruitless endeavor. Walking back tired and a little embarrassed, his fist made a bruise on each of their faces. They each sat up looking extraordinarily nettled before his explanation came, "just making sure not a drop of my blood is left in you, by the looks of those bruises I'd say my work here is done."

"Just leave!" The three said in unison. He turned to face Star and Marco but behind them stood Toffee and he quickly grabbed them and began flying all the while screaming, "look out an unnecessary plot twist!" Before they could complain they each glanced down at Toffee and Star waved "sup?" Immediately Indifference froze midair, wings releasing a bright white light as they seem to have frozen as well. "Dude why did we Stop?"

"I was going to take you back to Castle Butterfly then I remembered, future you and future Marco are there having a very important party and we're not invited."

"How can we not be invited to our own party?"

"No, present us is not allowed to be near future us."

"Why?"

"As much as I love explaining paradoxes and further confusing people, we need to leave *dodges projectile* now." Star then produced her scissors and opened a portal to the upper level of her room. He flew through and Marco reasoned that, "if you're going to live with us-"

"Temporarily."

"No matter how temporary we need to know what we're dealing with"

"Meaning?"

"Tell us what you can do."

"No."

"Why not?"

"We don't have five days three filter chapters or enough readers to be taking that kind of risk"

"... what?"

"What?"

"You saying if more people start reading those books you brought... you'll tell us what you can do?"

"... sure let's go with that."

"well? what do you have?

"I've got Dragon ball, panty and stocking, Hellsing, SAO, sailor moon-"

"Wait what was that first one again?"

"Dragon ball?"

"What's that about?"

"...you're serious?"

"What?"

"Never mind just (hands him book) just read."

Time lapse

"Wait *peaks over volume 3* will you tell us what you can do?"

"Can't tell you *peaks over volume 40* but I can show you."

"So... when can you show us?"

"... when the readers deem it appropriate."

"And... we're the readers right? Star you in?"

"Let me finish the chapter first."

"Alright."

* * *

Afterword: guys the story is about to get to the half way point (spoilers btw if you care) I'd like a suggestion as to how to get Star to date Oscar. Should it be to make Marco jealous? Should it be to move on from him, or should it be in spite of him?(end of spoiler territory) oh and soon this story will catch up to the present and all will be revealed.


	9. Let's see what you can do

Chapter 9: Let's see what you can do

* * *

They soon stood outside the house and Marco had a quizzical countenance, "what are we doing it here?" He then proceeded to hand Marco a box and when he sat it down to search its contents, he pulled four guns from his jacket and placed them on top, followed by the sword at his waist and three swords they hadn't noticed on his back, followed by two they couldn't see. Marco, thinking he was finished, attempted to lift the sword that he thought to be lightest but struck the one he couldn't see and was incapable of living it. Star thought he was jesting, she tried her hand st it and found that their truly was a sword hiding in plain sight. Between the two of them, the sword moved about an inch up, not that they could see their progress, and fell with a harmless 'thunk'. The proprietor soon swiped left on the box and it opened to reveal a tattered and torn tux, as if it had been through war, showing between tears was a gleaming armor. He then continued to swipe left showing that the box was more like a holographic wardrobe. He continued swiping until the vast array of different styles of armor from a multitude of times and cultures, were replaced by many different weapons until he arrived at a knife with a blade the length and with of a needle. He gave the air a quick slash and handed it to Marco. "Are you kidding me?" He pointed behind him and they turned to see a tree in the neighbor's yard fall over leaving a stump at eye level. "I don't carry useless weapons."

"And I can't carry any of these."

"Yeah sorry forgot to adjust the density. Wait... How light am I in this universe? ...one sec"

"Wait what are you-" before he could finish he flapped his wings and disappeared into the sky. They all looked up waiting for his dissent. A shorter version of him was standing right there beside them saying, "all the way to mars huh?" They instantly turned their attention back toward him. "How'd you get back here so fast?"

"Cool little watch lets me stop or slow the flow of time." He said pulling up his sleeve to show a less than impressive silver watch on a brown leather band no numbers no numerals just a clock set to the wrong time with four hands instead of two or three. The fourth making ten revolutions every six seconds. No buttons and no dials. No way to set the time. Just an otherwise ordinary watch I've just wasted your time explaining. Further down the sleeve was what appeared to be a tablet attached to the armor upon which the watch sat. He quickly let go of his sleeve and when it was restored to its original position he lifted up his left hand and looked at his pinky which seemed to have a red thread attached to it. In this state, he was half of Marco's height and looked far cuter now without his beard. Like a child playing dress up. Star saw him in his oversized clothes and couldn't help but, "awww"

"How did you get so small?"

"Transferring coincidences is much harder than creating it. I'm keeping this inappropriate stature to remind myself there's more to come as my abandoned body slowly returns."

"Couldn't you have just flapped your wings and coffee back?"

"I tried, no atmosphere. Then I tried jumping but my calculations were off by one-sixteenth of an inch."

"Wouldn't you have still landed here?"

"No, while I was jumping. One sixteenth of an inch while accounting for the gravity on mars and the gravity of the rest of the things in this solar system. That little error in my angle of tragedy threw me thousands of miles off the mark."

"In English, please?"

"When you mess up your math in space you die." Remembering what he was doing he lifted a finger and began to scroll through the items in his inventory until he reached the old war torn tux. He slowly waddled up to the briefcase made wardrobe and opened the glass doors. Lifting his hands again the items he had placed on top prior to opening it began levitating before sorting themselves into the now rag covered armor. Once everything was in its place the doors closed, and he began frantically moving his fingers about the glass. Buttons they could only see after being pressed lit up and emitted different sounds, almost melodious until the glass flashed lights reading "calibrating" and within seconds the armor was Marco's size. He opened the glass and offered to help him into it. He accepted and was somewhat taken by how light it was. "How can something so light protect anyone?"

"It wasn't meant to protect it was meant to fit the wearer'swearer's taste. I'd offer to put it back and make it impenetrable but then it'd weigh thrice what it was."

"What's the point of the rags?"

"They're there on a whim and whimsy has no agenda."

"Come again"

"I don't need a reason."

"... so you made the weapons lighter."

" Yeah. But you know what I just remembered?"

"What?"

"Yeah you just needed the armor and your strength would be boosted to match the weapons. Isn't wasting daylight fun?"

"No. Let's just finish what we came for."

"You want to finish your book too right?"

"... a little bit yeah."

"Fine here. *hand him a pamphlet*"

"What's this *takes it* 'so you found out this idiot has power' I like it already"

"Damn it I thought we fixed that glitch. When I return to my castle I will have words."

* * *

Afterword: yeah, still short, I know but I already posted an exposition based segment about him on my profile so I felt uninspired to write this chapter. If you care, feel free to check it out if not the next chapter will probably come out on Monday to make up for my lack of chapter last week. I'm sick so count on more, probably. But don't get your hopes too high I'm still the guy who fell short literally the week before also the story'll probably be wrapping up soon. This'll probably be my longest story to speak of.


	10. longing for Starco

Chapter 10: longing for Starco

* * *

AN: quick warning the story will divert along two paths of fate that will flow to the same end. Be admonished the story may yet get harder to follow. I'll try to put up dividing lines to help ease any confusion that may arise but know that I write without Wi-Fi and at the time have no access to said lines.

* * *

The next morning Star and Marco approached the school there was a bit of hidden animosity between them not towards each other but to the angelic figure hovering between them. On their way, Marco took them on a slight detour to pick up Jackie who'd agreed to walk with them, for obvious reasons. Thereafter Star looked downtrodden, and Indifference took notice. Upon their arrival, they saw something no-one had expected, there was a crowd around Oscar. Indifference took the sword at his side by the sheath and lifted it high above the multitudes. To almost everyone's surprise, the crowd immediately parted making a clear path for him to walk up to him as he said, "you pick up quick. If you'd of learned properly instead of trying to learn by ear and mimicking songs no-one understands. You'd of known starting off with songs everyone knows and working your way towards originality will garner more admirers."

"I don't care if people like it I just wanna play."

"Look in the hat I have you"

"Ok... How'd all this money get here? Usually, when I put down a hat I end up with less money."

"It got there because now you have fans."

"Didn't I have fans before?"

"Not fans, fan, Singular. On that note how'd you like to date a fangirl?" Star's body jolted up at the implication. Oscar merely shrugged and said, "I'm good with whatever." Star's eyes began to shine and she began to hesitantly approach him only for Brittney to beat her to it. She began speaking to him in innuendos and at every opportunity, Oscar took her literally. Star's countenance quickly changed from bitterness to anger, to jealousy, to sympathy. Soon enough everyone began to laugh at how dense Oscar was, that at every single subtle hint he responded with a blank stare and a literal query. Indifference turned to Star and asked, "isn't it strange to see it from the outside?"

"Yeah, you know I never thought I'd say this but I feel bad for Brittney."

"Agreed, let's make her feel worse. *turns to Oscar* Yo!"

"Sup?"

"You wanna go out with Star?"

"I guess?"

"BTW Brittney wants you inside her."

"I don't follow."

"You should spend your date at the bookstore then, you both stand to learn a few things."

"Any books in mind?"

"Oh, you know just urban dictionaries, books on idioms, and overall figures of speech."

"Eww grammar books."

"Grammar books and coffee."

"Fine, but you're paying for it."

"Alright *reaches into pocket* this is a black card *gives* its a credit card without a limit remember I'm just paying for books and coffee and I don't want to see any pornographic titles on my next bill. Especially if you're getting one called Harry blond gets stiffed. At least buy some MLP books if you don't want to read about words."

"What's MLP?"

"My Little Pony."

"If rather learn."

"Awesome. *turns back to Star* make sure he sticks to what he said cause if he lies to my face I'll rip his off"

"No promises" Marco then added, "why'd you come to school with us today again?"

"Because Skeeves is cheap and miss Skullnick is sick." Oscar got off his car and said, "wait, if you're subbing I might actually learn something."

"I know you've not been attending classes"

"That's cause no one else knows how to teach right."

"All I did was put you to sleep with a dream that forced you to learn in whatever way you would. I honestly thought you'd be in a coma for at least a week. You're smarter than I thought you were."

"Thanks, I don't ever get that from anyone."

* * *

"Thought so." The school day came and went. Thereafter Marco watched Star get into Oscar's car and leave for her date with Oscar. The implacable smile that had been gone over the weekend was back in full effect and Marco couldn't help the bitter sweetness of seeing his best friend happy again. Before a second of regret could hit him Jackie twirled him around and stuck her tongue down his throat so fast he could scarcely register who it partying he realized not only had he been horribly torn from his train of thought but everybody and their mothers were watching them. Brittney was the first to protest, "it's not fair! How come tweedle Diaz and tweedle dumbass get hot dates before me?!" Almost immediately Indifference shattered her phingers(spelt wrong on purpose) with a ruler. "Your foul mouth will earn the scorn of sailors." Before she could complain he took to the skies split in two and flew to two separate locations.

* * *

Perched on the roof of Barnes and noble was a two foot six boyish man I'm full tuxedo with an oversized sword at his side drank his coffee while reading a copy of "Trigun Multiple Bullets". Right below him, a date unfolded. Star began. "So Oscar what do you like to do for fun? You know besides being a musical genius."

"I drink coffee while writing angsty poetry about my social life."

"Can I see?"

"You were the girl that always sat next to my car and listen to me play right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you probably heard if already. Most of my poetry gets turned into songs."

"Oh... what do you do for fun?"

"I usually play keytar but when it runs out of batteries I like to put a hotdog on a fishing pole and hop on my mom's boyfriend until he catches the thing in his mouth or throws me off."

"Uh... what do you see in a girl?"

"...Come again?"

"What do you look for in a girlfriend?"

"Never thought about it." Star sighed as her date was not what she'd thought it'd be she looked out the window and wondered what Marco was up to.

* * *

Marco and Jackie were rolling about the park giggles, chortles, and laughter galore. Jackie constantly tickled Marco as he begged her stop. When she did, she straddled his waist and put an inch of distance between her face and his. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why should I stop tickling you?"

"Why do you want to tickle me in the first place?"

"Cause it's fun and I like seeing you squirm beneath me"

"That's not a reason."

"Better than yours" he sighed opened his mouth to speak then closed it and rolled them over holding down both of her wrists so she couldn't tickle him anymore. "Well, you've got me in a compromising position. What are you going to do with me?" She said, a coy smile gracing her features. His eyes widened and his grip loosened. She got an arm free and continued their little wrestling match until she lay tired on his chest saying, "this was fun. I haven't messed with anybody that ticklish in ages." She laughed it off but Marco just felt empty like the girl for him this was not, as he noticed the short, winged man standing in the tree they lay under.

* * *

Star had to sit through a lecture about how different brands of keytar make different sounds and are more or less capable of having the sound swapped for another found either in nature or online.

* * *

Marco's luck was no better as he was now a glorified pillow for the girl he liked for the longest time yet now not so sure.

They both sighed at the exact same moment in time though in different locations looked out at the same rising moon and said, "if only you were here with me."

* * *

Afterword: as promised here's the tenth chapter on time and on a cliff hanger


	11. filler

Chapter 11: filler

* * *

An: sorry it's late but you're not really mixing anything with this chapter is just to transition the story from this 10 to twelve smoothly without missing why and how I broke apart the existing couples to put everything as I saw it in the beginning. To be honest, if you just skipped this chapter entirely you'll save yourself some unfunny jokes and boring exposition. I was originally going to call this chapter "time lapse" but "filler" just seemed more appropriate.

* * *

The next afternoon the two couples were sitting on the same couch eating nachos and watching old movies. Their double date was awkward to say the least. The first movie they saw was about two people who seemed to be perfect for each other looking desperately for love only got the movie to end with them still only ships passing in the night. The second was about an inseparable couple of friends that slowly grow more distant as they go of to college get married to other people and only see each other on their respective birthdays. Then they watched a romance where the two who seem meant for each other actually get together and depress everyone in the room. Sorrow was using glass bottles as building blocks, making scale models of national landmarks and eventually running out of liquor. Sorrow fell asleep and Pity got up to tuck him in. Sitting on the couch from left to right out was Jackie, Marco, Star, Oscar. Indifference was lying across the top of the couch and Jackie turned to talk to Marco

JT: oh yeah, forgot to mention I'm going to be moving schools soon

MD: what? When? Why?

I: what school you going to?

JT: Lincoln university next week.

MD: but why?

JT: my parents didn't want to stay in the country after Trump was elected.

MD: wait, university?

JT: yeah it's an art school in England. They said I could start early because they like my parents fear what trump will do in office and want me to be as safe as the rest of their students.

OG: hey I'm taking online classes at that school they said the same thing to me.

JT: so I'll see you there?

OG: Nah my mum voted for Trump.

I: I vote for Harambe.

SB: what are you studying?

JT: I'm trying to draw my own comics and write stories about the awesome stuff I dream of doing.

I: you know they say being an author is like exposing your backside to the world. You put everything out for all the world to see. It has to be you, it has to be your own real thoughts or people will know it's disingenuous. And wether or not you really put your heart in it, it'll still hurt when people criticise you because those are still your thoughts and feelings, that was your creation and you care about it.

JT: why are you telling me this?

I: it's something you need to know if you want to succeed. You need to put everything out there for all the world to see be honest with them and you'll be respected. No one is great from the start, improvement will need to be made but sooner or later people will respect you enough to mock you and when that happens you'll know you've succeeded.

JT: how is that success if they're mocking you

I: cause they love you enough to tell you how to improve just know that not all advice is good. Don't do tailor made stories. If someone makes a request you have to want to do it and do it well.

OG: kinda like writing music

I: well not really cause as long as you sound good no one really cares what the lyrics are.

OG: what about those guys on YouTube who try to explain the meanings the songs have.

I: they're just bored and have nothing better to do.

SB: are you going to be gone long?

JT: four years at least.

I: so... I've been lurking around Facebook... and you still haven't changed your relationship status.

JT: I forgot my password

I: I can hack it.

JT: what?

I: yeah just type in your email and I'll log you in (He said handing her his phone)

MD: you never said you could hack

I: remember when I said I could read your mind?

MD & SB: yeah.

I: I can also read the internet's mind

Jackie gave him his phone back and he looked at it for the second before typing in the word "5k4t3604rd5" into the password after a bit of loading the usual home screen came up with lots of private posts (share only me) mostly YouTube videos no one else watched or wanted to watch. She immediately grabbed his phone cycled through the notifications, confirmed her status, changed her password and logged out.

Marco's phone chimed, he looked at it, smiled and put it back in his pocket. Jackie was red in the face. "If I had scrolled down, I'd of seen something you didn't mean for me to see. Right?"

"How?"

"I can read minds remember"

"Ok, I'm hitting the emergency exit to this conversation right now." She said leaving the room. Marco soon followed her into the kitchen. "Wait, Jackie, what was that about?"

"She sent herself nudes!" Came Indifference's reply. Her face got even redder and she left the house entirely. He kept Chase. "Go away, Marco! I just want to be alone right now."

"Can't we be alone together?" she stopped and turned back with tears in her eyes. "What do you think?" He stood there just looking down trying to think of a response, then he opted to open his arms and say, "it's ok I won't judge you and neither will Star. I don't think Oscar or his new music teacher care enough to judge and no one else knows."

"It was a dare."

"What?"

"Brittney invited me to a sleepover at her pace this once time and when we were paying truth or dare they dared me to post a bunch of nudes to Facebook and after I did I made Brittney eat shit for making me do that."

"You posted nudes just to make Brittney rest Shit."

"Wow, really Marco?"

"Wait I didn't mean it like-"

"See ya Marco"

"But I meant...*she left* I respect that." He said to no one.

* * *

meanwhile, inside the house, Star and Oscar were sitting stymied, completely dumbfounded that such an occurrence would unfold before them as it just had. "What just happened?" Oscar asked. "Nothing important don't dwell on it" came Indifference's reply. A soaked Janna came trudging down the stairs, "if you ask me, I'd say their relationship has just reached its expiration date."

"Oscar stop starting." Star whispered, "but she's naked and I'm a man"

"A real man would be able to keep his thoughts clean especially if his girl is directly adjacent to him." Said Indifference casually. Janna wrapped a towel around her hair and walked over to Indifference grabbed his sleeve and said, "hey Start can I borrow this?"

"As long as you return him when your finished"

"Oh I plan to."

"... to finish or, bring him back?" she asked hesitantly. "Both" came her reply. Star turned to Indifference and asked, "you ok with spending the night at Janna's?"

"It makes no difference to me one way or the other." He said while reading _magical girls Apocalypse vol. 10._ Janna jumped for joy dropping her towel in the process as she exclaimed, "GREAT! I'll go get the oil!"

"What?" The question on everyone's mind as Marco had slowly sauntered back in the house. "Why is Janna naked?"

* * *

Afterword: sorry I couldn't find a good place to stop, then I got writer's block and I had top do calculus while translating music into tabs, I had to practice David Bowie's "life on mars" and deal with creative differences with my illustrator while learning how to draw so that I can illustrate my own YouTube videos, and I had to record myself reading four chapters of a Very long fanfic and no-one can be arsed to help me. For those of you who wanted my excuses. By the way there's only about two chapters left before the story ends and won't be making a sequel for until the next season is completely out and I can make another semi cannon story. Until my next update Auf wiedersehen.


End file.
